• Friend and former Starcom Chicago office neighbor Graham created an awesome new meme: the Golden Girls Sitcom Archetype.  It postulates that every sitcom has 4 cast members that can be tied back to the 4 Golden Girls:  http://coolkidstable.tumblr.com/post/6049485405/

• Newest addition to Denuo, designer Reed, posted on Facebook that he looks like Andy Dwyer from the NBC comedy hit, Parks & Recreation.

Using Graham’s template, you can judge for yourself:

#TRUTH

Which got me and fellow Denuologist Chris Blumberg thinking:

Does the cast of Parks and Recreation match up against the crew of Denuo?

Surprisingly, yes – let’s explore!

Ben Wyatt = Chris Blumberg

Looks Match: 2/5
Personality Match: 1/5
This one is a stretch, but as fellow contributor to this concept, I had to assign Chris someone.  And I’m pretty sure this was Chris’s high school picture from Olan Mills:

Plus, I think he really likes calzones, even though they’re “like harder to eat pizzas.”

>

Jerry Gergich = Albert Kim

Looks Match: 2/5
Personality Match: 3/5
As Ron Swanson eloquently explains, “A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party.  A schlimazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlimazel of our office.”  And I am the schlemiel and schlimazel of Denuo.  (I regularly trip walking UP stairs.)

I’m also just as likely to flub up my words and have probably said the word “murinal” at least once.  And how many times have I pitched a photo mosaic as a creative idea?  Several.

>

Donna Meagle = Stephanie Huynh

Looks Match: 1/5
Personality Match: 4/5
So yes, they aren’t the same race nor the same physique.   But personality-wise?  Spot on.  Both are sassy and don’t take sh*t from anyone.  Both are skilled at two looks: the death glare (as shown above) and the silent “Oh no he didn’t!” walkaway, which comes in handy during the most awkward of times.

When Stephanie makes it big, I see her driving a Mercedes-Benz M-Class SUV someday.

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Jean-Ralphio Saperstein = Matt Story

Looks Match: 2/5 (inclusive of wardrobe)
Personality Match: 5/5
Again, I’m colorblind when I look for the perfect match.  Both are equally cocky, love the clubs, and dress similarly. And like Jean-Ralphio’s new media conglomerate, Entertainment 720, Matt would be willing to go around the world twice to please his clients.  (And literally say so with a smile.)  I swear I’ve also seen Matt dance like this:

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April Ludgate = Anisha Ahluwalia

Looks Match: 2/5
Personality Match: 4/5
Although Anisha probably doesn’t roll her eyes as much as April, you can tell that inside, she wants to sooo bad. Cynical, dry sense of humor, and equally subdued, both have those amazing one-liners that you’ll be remembering until next week’s episode…er… status meeting.  Other points of note:  April’s favorite color is “greenish-transparent” and Anisha’s is green.  Like April, a genuine Anisha smile exists only for a fleeting moment:

And Anisha loves high fives.

>

Tom Haverford = Tim Harris

Looks Match: 3/5
Personality Match: 3/5
Of equal height and boyish charm, Tom & Tim practically have the same first name and same initials.  Tom invests in a nightclub, Tim invests in a comic book store.  One can only assume Tim has a DJ Roomba and likes camping with his Xbox.

I’m also secretly wishing that Tim buys Brooks Brothers boys suits, because according to Tom’s reasoning: “the cuts are slimmer and it’s cheaper: win, win!”

>

Leslie Knope = Courtney Acuff

Looks Match: 4/5
Personality Match: 4/5
Both are intelligent, driven, blonde and hilarious.  And Courtney can take the heat without getting discouraged, like Leslie dealing with the crazies at her public forums:

But I don’t think Courtney has the same obsession over waffles, Condi Rice, or hoarding multiple unfinished birdhouses:

>

Chris Traeger = Dan Buczaczer

Looks Match: 4/5
Personality Match: 4/5
K, let’s not get ahead of ourselves… nobody can match the handsomeness of one of the original brat packers.  But Dan comes pretty close.  Always cheerful and smiling, Dan also likes to preface his constructive criticism with a nice pep talk about how you’re great.  This is Dan and Anisha in a recent meeting:

And I believe he uses the word “literally” about 4.5x a day.  LITRALLY.

>

Ann Perkins = Sarah Chiappetta

Looks Match: 5/5
Personality Match: 4/5
I mean, look at them.  Clearly from the same womb.  They both enjoy a good Lifetime movie once in a while.  And Sarah’s friend is a nurse, just like Ann Perkins, so it must be a sign.

>

Ron Swanson = John Durbin

Looks Match: 5/5
Personality Match: 5/5
John Durbin should sue NBC because they stole his future self for this character.  Physically, Durbin will be Ron Swanson by the age of 50.  Both already have facial hair and like wearing button-down dress shirts under sweaters.  Personality wise, they are both equally apathetic and will judge you with evil death glares:

Ron plays the sax at night for the ladies, and we can only assume Durbin does the same with his violin:

Plus, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him dance exactly like this:

So, there you have it, Denuo as the cast of Parks & Recreation.

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I can’t wait for the next Denuo Harvest Festival. RIP Lil’ Sebastian…

Major props to parksandrecgifs.tumblr.com and fuckyeahparksandrec.tumblr.com for all of the amazing Parks & Rec pics here – check them out!

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I want a book deal.  And not the kind where I have to sit down and write a fricken novel.  I want the kind where someone essentially copies and pastes posts from a blog I make, I write a small dedication to friends and family, and I distribute throughout kitschy stores in malls for people with money to burn.

I’m talking about “books” that have the same exact content as their websites/blogs/Twitter feeds, but the fact that they are hardcover bound costs you $19.99. (KA-CHING!) Books like: Shit My Dad Says, Regretsy, and Awkward Family Photos.

This holiday break, I was perusing through an Urban Outfitters catalog and realized how ridiculous some of the photos are.  Taking a cue from the beloved Catalog Living, I have made an homage: its dirty illegitimate child, Hipster Catalog Living.

Related posts:

1. REFLECTEUR – Issue 69
2. From blog to book deal.
3. REFLECTEUR – Issue 89

I’m sick of bad customer service. It seems like I’m always dealing with giant conglomerate X and their horrible customer (dis)service infrastructure. I have to believe that No Doubt’s Spiderwebs was written by a customer service agent at a call center:

You think that we connect
That the chemistry’s correct
Your words walk right through my ears
Presuming I like what I hear

Sorry I’m not home right now
I’m walking into interwebs
So leave a message
And I’ll call you back

But it’s truly refreshing when good customer service triumphs over evil. Like my recent experience with Bank of America.

In March, I was looking for a free checking account with local branches, no minimums, and no direct deposit / debit card transaction requirements. BofA offered that and a $100 bonus for me to sign up. I’m sold. Having a general mistrust of banks (besides my beloved primary bank USAA), I called customer service to see if I had signed up for the bonus correctly. They confirmed.

I check in via email two months later to see when I’ll get my bonus. They say wait 90 days. Fast forward to this week – I’ve waited 90 days and am wondering where my money is. I email them; they tell me to call customer service. I call customer service; they have no record of any bonus.

I’m frustrated.

The rep transfers me to a department where they’ll file a claim and see what happens in a month. At this point, I’ve lost all faith and am ready to close my account.

By random coincidence, I am reminded about best-in-class corporate Twitter accounts, like @ComcastCares. So I Google “Bank of America twitter” and find a beacon of hope, @BofA_help.

I investigate further, to ensure I’m not dealing with some scammer. I find out @BofA_help is a customer service bigwig at Bank of America named David Knapp. I see a post on Consumerist, an interview, a ton of @replies thanking him, and an intriguing story: a customer is charged $350 in fees, all for one overdraft and nine subsequent overdrafts. They remove the nine and make him only pay for one.

I’m sold.

So, cautiously, I follow him and tweet the following:

35 minutes later, I receive a direct message:

I direct message my plight in two tweets. 13 minutes later, he direct messages me:

Within minutes of me direct messaging my cellphone #, executive customer service agent Matt calls me and knows my story from my two tweets. With some minimal information from me, he finds my account and immediately credits $100. I see it in my account within an hour.

David and Matt were both extremely courteous and quick. This all happened in a span of two hours, and most of the delay was because I wasn’t checking my TweetDeck for updates.

They were also great at conveying that account security was a major priority. David’s tweets and profile tell tweeps to not share account numbers. Matt reiterated not to give him any personal information beyond what he asks for. They understand that consumers might be suspicious, given the prevalence of phishing and other scams, and helped reassure me that they were legit.

I’m truly impressed. Thanks to @BofA_help, I have the $100 that I was owed and was saved from hours of follow-up in the future. Other companies could learn a thing or two from my experience.

Related posts:

1. Twitter Commandments
2. Top 5: Worst Fake-Celeb Twitter Pages
3. Dissecting Twitter

Dan Buccaneer

As an awesome boss thing to do, Dan gave his team Amazon gift cards for Christmahanakwanzika. Mid-February, I realized that I had not sent him a proper thank you, along with Matt. (Yes, I know, I should be on VH1’s Tool Academy.) Anisha did the right thing and sent him a thank you gift – females must have a part of the prefrontal cortex that manages prompt thank you card writing.

So, with the help of Ellen, Matt and I have purchased a belated holiday gift for the Buczaczers.

Dan was recently featured at the WOMMA conference as Dan “Buccaneer” instead of Buczaczer. Of course, we never let good jokes die, so the following was ordered for him, from CostumeCraze.com:

Gold Pirate Coins
Toddler Pirate Girl Costume
Jack Sparrow Headband with Hair
Adult Black Swashbuckler Pirate Costume Shirt
Pirate Dog Costume
Deluxe Adult Velvet Pirate Hat
Pirate Pack Earring

I would like Dan to respond with a post filled with pictures, preferably before Halloween 2009. At least the dog, please.

Now, let us discuss my hatred for gifts and gift cards…

If you don’t know me already, I hate getting gifts. Growing up, receiving a gift always meant having to pay someone back in the future, so it was always a faux pas to receive anything. If you walk into any restaurant and see a group of Asians fighting over a dinner bill, that’s why.

Of all gifts, there’s nothing I hate more than gift cards. You give me a gift, I will usually groan aloud and unwillingly accept, as a properly raised Asian. (A model Asian says “no” 3 times before they “concede.”) But if you give me a gift card, I might cut you, with said gift card.

Why? I hate having them in my wallet. My Costanza-sized wallet is chock full of important stuff (transit card, ID cards, credit cards, debit cards, etc). The last thing I need is a gift card that makes me shop at a particular store. ‘Cause you know, I’ll always get to a Linens N Things or Circuit City before they go bankrupt…FAIL!

Of all gift cards, most revered are credit card gift cards, which let you shop wherever credit cards are accepted. Yet, they are still plagued with problems. At this very moment, I have 3 of them in my wallet, with the following amounts:

$22.10
$1.53
$0.52

So one day, I gotta be THAT guy in front of you at Target, asking the cashier to run all 3 of them. Might as well bring my checkbook and travelers checks to complete the transaction!

Now, Dan’s gift is definitely not something to groan about, but Amazon gift cards do have their own pros and cons:

Pro: Amazon has everything and you can usually get up to $25 to get free shipping. Heck, I just bought fruit leathers and instant Indian curry.
Cons: Without a physical presence, you forget about it, just like that online coupon that sits in your inbox, unused. So you gotta spend it ASAP on stuff you normally wouldn’t buy (fruit leathers) or keep reminding yourself before it expires.

Again, I’d like to say publicly to Dan, thank you very much and sorry for the belated thank you. It was a fine choice for a gift.

But if anyone can invent a better, yet still socially acceptable alternative to the dreaded gift card, physical or digital, please let me know. In the interim, if anyone wants to give me a gift, I’d love food or crispy bills of cash. But no dollar coins. They are absolutely useless.

Related posts:

1. A Welcoming Gift
2. No Love for Junk Mail
3. Digital World Cup

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/04/24/lol-kitteh-as-a-second-language-lksl-101-in-five-easy-steps/
http://speaklolspeak.com
http://www.lolmart.com/lol-magnet1.html

KTHXBYE

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